Eugene's Funnies

Noah: "Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head" Adam and Eve: "Strangers In Paradise" Lazarus: "The Second Time Around" Esther: "I Feel Pretty" Job: "I've Got a Right To Sing The Blues" Moses: "The Wanderer" Jezebel: "The Lady Is A Tramp" Samson: "Hair" Salome: "I Could Have Danced All Night" Daniel: "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" Joshua: "Good Vibrations" Peter: "I'm Sorry" Esau: "Born To Be Wild" Shadrach, Meshach, And Abednego: "Great Balls of Fire!" The Three Kings: "When You Wish Upon A Star" Jonah: "Got A Whale Of A Tale" Elijah: "Up, Up, And Away" Methuselah: "Stayin' Alive" Nebuchadnezzar: "Crazy"

The Dentist's Hymn ... Crown Him With Many Crowns The Weatherman's Hymn ... There Shall Be Showers Of Blessing The Contractor's Hymn ... The Church's One Foundation The Tailor's Hymn ... Holy, Holy, Holy The Golfer's Hymn ... There Is A Green Hill Far Away The Politician's Hymn ... Standing On The Promises The Optometrist's Hymn ... Open My Eyes That I May See The IRS Agent's Hymn ... I Surrender All The Gossip's Hymn ... Pass It On The Electrician's Hymn ... Send The Light The Shopper's Hymn ... In The Sweet By and By The Realtor's Hymn ... I've Got A Mansion Just Over The Hilltop The Pilot's Hymn ... I'll Fly Away The Paramedic's Hymn ... Revive Us Again The Judge's Hymn ... Almost Persuaded The Psychiatrist's Hymn ... Just A Little Talk With Jesus The Architect's Hymn ... How Firm A Foundation The Credit Card Telemarketer's Hymn ... A Charge To Ke

The bathroom scale manufacturer was very proud of the new model being introduced at the trade fair. "Listen to these features: it's calibrated to one-one-hundredth of a pound; it can measure your height as well, in feet or meters; it gives you a readout via an LED or human-voice simulator; and that s not all..." "Very impressive," interrupted a none-too-slender sales rep for a chain of home furnishings stores, "but before I place an order I'll have to try it out." "Be my guest," said the manufacturer graciously. No sooner had the sales rep taken his place on the scale than a loud, very human-sounding voice issued forth: "One at a time, please, one at a time!"