Showing posts from March, 2017

Job Interview

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, "And what starting salary are you looking for?" The engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The interviewer inquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?" The engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?" The interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it."

Actual Signs Posted By Businesses

Sign on an electrician's truck: Let us remove your shorts. Maternity Clothes Shop: We are open on labor day. On a Front Door: Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog. On a Maternity Room Door: Push, Push, Push Non-smoking area: If we see you smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action Optometrist's Office: If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place. Scientist's Door: Gone Fission Taxidermist Window: We really know our stuff. Podiatrist's Window: Time wounds all heels. Sign on Fence: Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive. Car Dealership: The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment. Muffler Shop: No appointment necessary. We'll hear you coming. Hotel: Help! We need inn - experienced people. Butcher's Window: Pleased to meat you. Sign in an office: We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the 2nd one just left. Veterinarians Waitin


1. "I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreadsheet pogroms." 2. "Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details." 3. "Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year." 4. "Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions." 5. "Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave." 6. "Failed bar exam with relatively high grades." 7. "It's best for employers that I not work with people." 8. "Let's meet, so you can 'ooh' and 'aah' over my experience." 9. "I was working for my mom until she decided to move." 10. "Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments." 11. "I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse." 12. "I am loyal to my employer at all costs. Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail." 13. "My goal is to be a meteorologist. Bu

Computer Teaching Guide

LATE HOMEWORK When a student turns in his/her project two weeks late and asks for full credit, accept the late work and tell them that it will be awarded full credit. However, do inform them that you will not have time to grade it until after you complete your Ph.D. DISRUPTIVE STUDENTS 1. If students will not stop talking when the class period begins, announce that there will be a quiz the following day on today's lecture. Then leave. 2. If your students are prone to reading the school paper in class, try taking out a full page ad in the paper informing them that they are going to flunk your class. LECTURES 1. In the event that you are unprepared for a lecture, be sure to use the class time to stress to the class the importance of keeping up with the readings. In fact, spend most of the class time stressing this. 2. When the time comes to lecture on a subject you know nothing about, the art of controlled digression is invaluable. Here, you try to incite unrelated que