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Showing posts from April, 2012

Exhausted

A businessman dragged himself home and barely made it to his chair before he dropped exhausted. His sympathetic wife was right there with a tall cool drink and a comforting word. "My, you look tired," she said. "You must have had a hard day today. What happened to make you so exhausted?" "It was terrible," her husband said. "The computer broke down and all of us had to do our own thinking."

How to phone in sick

A woman calls her boss one morning and tells him that she is staying home because she's not feeling well. "What's the matter?" he asks. "I have a case of anal glaucoma," she says in a weak voice. "What in the hell is anal glaucoma?" he inquires. "Well, I just can't see my ass coming to work today."

Humourous Thoughts

~ I'm going crazy. Wanna come along? ~ I'm not in denial, I'm just very selective about the reality I accept. ~ I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain. ~ I'm on a new diet. No, I haven't changed my eating habits, ~ I just switched my shower body wash for Dawn dish soap. ~ Its label reads, "Dissolves fat that is otherwise difficult to remove." ~ I've never had premonitions, but I think that one day I might. ~ If at first you don't succeed, redefine success. ~ If you don't like my driving, just take a different road. (That's why the highway department made so many of them.) ~ Into every life some rain must fall - usually when your car windows are down. ~ IRS: Be audit you can be! ~ Is Marx's tomb a communist plot? ~ It doesn't matter whether you win or lose--until you lose. ~ It was a brave man who ate the first oyster. ~ It's almost impossible to overestimate the unimportance of most things.