Showing posts from December, 2012

New Years Resolutions You Have No Chance At Keeping

When I hear a funny joke I will not reply, "LOL, LMAO, or ROTFLMAO!"  Start using Facebook for something other than Farmville and stupid quizzes I will try to figure out why I "really" need 5 facebook accounts.  I resolve to work with neglected children... my own.  Lose 20 pounds by going to the gym! I will stop using, "So, what's your URL?" as a pickup line. I will spend less than five hour a day on the Internet.  I will read the manual... just as soon as I can find it.  Spend less than $1000 for coffee at Starbucks this year. Lose weight by inventing an anti-gravity machine Stop repeating myself again, and again, and again. I will stop tagging pictures of myself in pictures even when IĆ¢€™m not in them I will think of a password other than "password"

12 days of christmas

My Dearest Darling John: Whoever in the whole world would dream of getting a real partridge in a Pear Tree? How can I ever express my pleasure. Thank you a hundred times for thinking of me this way. My love always, Agnes December 13, 2011 Dearest john: today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine two turtle doves. I'm just delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are just adorable. All my love, Agnes December 14, 2011 Dear John: Oh! Aren't you the extravagant one. Now I must protest. I don't deserve such generosity, three French hens. They are just darling but I must insist, you've been too kind. All my love, Agnes December 15, 2011 Dear John: today the postman delivered four calling birds. Now really, they are beautiful, but don't you think enough is enough? you are being too romantic. Affectionately, Agnes December 16, 2011 Dearest John: What a surprise. Today the postman delivered five golden r

If Companies Ran Christmas

If IBM ran Christmas... They would want one big Santa, dressed in blue, where kids queue up for their present-processing. Receiving presents would take about 24-36 hours of mainframe processing time. If Microsoft ran Christmas... Each time you bought an ornament, you would have to buy a tree as well. You wouldn't have to take the tree, but you still have to pay for it anyway. Ornament/95 would weigh 1500 pounds (requiring a reinforced steel countertop tree), draw enough electricity to power a small city, take up 95% of the space in your living room, would claim to be the first ornament that uses the colors red/green together. It would interrogate your other decorations to find out who made them. Most everyone would hate Microsoft ornaments, but nonetheless would buy them since most of the other tree types wouldn't work with their hooks. If Apple ran Christmas... It would do everything the Microsoft ornaments do, but years earlier, and with a smaller mouse (not stirring of cou