Showing posts from November, 2019


1. It's an incentive to show up. 2. It reduces stress. 3. It leads to more honest communications. 4. It reduces complaints about low pay. 5. It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover. 6. Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear. 7. It helps save on heating costs in the winter. 8. It encourages carpooling. 9. Increases job satisfaction because if you have a bad job you don't care. 10. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work. 11. It makes fellow employees look better. 12. It makes the cafeteria food taste better. 13. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they have had a couple of drinks 14. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.

Counting on You

Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office. "Boss," he says, "we're doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff." "We're short-handed, Smith" the boss replies. "I can't give you the day off." "Thanks, boss," says Smith "I knew I could count on you!"

Speak Nicely to Santa Claus

A little kid sits on Santa's lap, and Santa says, "What would you like for Christmas?" The kid says, "A $*#%@#$ swingset." Santa says, "You'll have to ask nicer than that if you want Santa to bring you presents. Let's try again. What else would you like?" The kid says, "A $*#%@#$ sandbox for the side yard." Santa says, "That's no way to talk to Santa. One more time. What else would you like for Christmas?" The boy thinks for a minute, and then he says, "I want a $*#%@#$ trampoline in the front yard." Santa lifts the boy off his lap and goes to talk to the kid's parents. He tells them what the kid said, and then says, "I know how to stop it. Don't get him anything for Christmas except dog doo. Put a pile of dog doo in the backyard where he wants the swingset, put another pile in the side yard where he wants the sandbox, and another pile in the front yard where he wants the tra

Car Names Explained

Audi Always Unsafe Designs Implemented BMW Big Money Works Bought My Wife Brutal Money Waster Bimbette Motor Weapon Break My Window Buick Big Ugly Indestructible Car Killer Chevrolet Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time Cheap Heap, Every Valve Rattles, Oil Leaks Every Time Condition Hopeless, Entire Vehicle Relies On Leftover Engine Technology Dodge Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere Dem Old Dudes Go Everywhere Dead or Dying Gas Eater Dear Old Dad's Geriatric Express Fiat Failure in Italian Automotive Technology Fix It All the Time Fix it again, Tony! Ford First On Recall Day First On Race Day First On Rust and Deterioration Fix Or Repair Daily Found On Road, Dead Fault Of R&D Fast Only Rolling Downhill Features O.J. and Ron's DNA Found On Russian Dump GM General Maintenance Great Mistake GMC Garage Man's Companion Got A Mechanic Coming? Honda Had One