Classified Ads

The Following Were Actually Taken From Classified Ads In Newspapers:
________________
FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 YEARS OLD. HATEFUL LITTLE DOG.
----------------------------------
FREE PUPPIES:
1/2 COCKER SPANIEL -
1/2 SNEAKY NEIGHBOR'S DOG
------------------------------
FREE PUPPIES...PART GERMAN SHEPHERD - PART STUPID DOG
------------------------------
GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs.
NEUTERED. SPEAKS GERMAN. FREE.
-------------------------------------
FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG.
LOOKS LIKE A RAT...
BEEN OUT AWHILE..
BETTER BE REWARD.
-----------------------------------
1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB -- $850/offer
----------------------------
AMANA WASHER $100.
OWNED BY CLEAN BACHELOR WHO SELDOM WASHED.
------------------------------
SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE...
ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS.
-------------------------------
2 WIRE MESH BUTCHERING GLOVES:
1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, PAIR: $15
------------------------------
TICKLE ME ELMO, STILL IN BOX, COMES WITH ITS
OWN 1988 MUSTANG, 5L, AUTO,
EXCELLENT CONDITION $6800
------------------------------
COWS, CALVES NEVER BRED...
ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE.
-----------------------------------
FULL SIZED MATTRESS.
20 YR. WARRANTY.
LIKE NEW. SLIGHT URINE SMELL.
-----------------------------------
FREE 1 CAN OF PORK & BEANS
WITH PURCHASE OF 3 BR 2 BATH HOME.
----------------------------------
FOR SALE:
LEE MAJORS (6 MILLION DOLLAR MAN) - $50
-----------------------------------
NORDIC TRACK $300
HARDLY USED, CALL CHUBBIE
-------------------------------------
BILL'S SEPTIC CLEANING
"WE HAUL AMERICAN MADE PRODUCTS"
--------------------------------------
SHAKESPEARE'S PIZZA - FREE CHOPSTICKS
--------------------------------------
HUMMELS - LARGEST SELECTION EVER
"IF IT'S IN STOCK, WE HAVE IT!"
----------------------------------------
HARRISBURG POSTAL EMPLOYEES GUN CLUB
-----------------------------------------
GEORGIA PEACHES
CALIFORNIA GROWN - 89 cents lb.
------------------------------------------
NICE PARACHUTE:
NEVER OPENED - USED ONCE
-------------------------------------------
TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY $9.75 PER HOUR?
WE OFFER PROFIT SHARING AND FLEXIBLE HOURS.
STARTING PAY: $7 - $9 PER HOUR.
---------------------------------------------
EXERCISE EQUIPMENT:
QUEEN SIZE MATTRESS & BOX SPRINGS - $175.
---------------------------------------------
OUR SOFA SEATS THE WHOLE MOB
AND IT'S MADE OF 100% ITALIAN LEATHER.
-----------------------------------------------
JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
MUST SELL WASHER & DRYER
$300.
----------------------------------------------
LAWYER SAYS CLIENT IS NOT THAT GUILTY.
---------------------------------------------
ALZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES
FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER
--------------------------------------------
OPEN HOUSE
BODY SHAPERS TONING SALON
FREE COFFEE & DONUTS
---------------------------------------
FOR SALE BY OWNER
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes.
Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No
longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything.

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