Helpful Life Hints

1. If you're bidding on a job for UPS, don't send your bid by FedEx.

 

2. If your computer says, "Printer out of Paper," this problem cannot be

resolved by continuously clicking the "OK" button.

 

3. If you want your refrigerator's ice maker to work, you need to hook

it to a water source.  Air doesn't make good ice unless it is mixed with

water.

 

4. No matter how much data you add to your laptop, it will not get

heavier.

 

5. A bad place to store your emergency backup diskette is on the

underside of your desk drawer, secured by a large magnet.

 

6. It's okay to use the Polaroid Land Camera on a boat.

 

7. When the PC says, "Insert diskette #2," don't do it immediately.

Remove disk #1 first, even if you're sure you can make them both fit in

there.

 

8. When your PC says "You have mail," don't go to the company mail room

and look for a package.

 

9. The French version of Netscape Navigator doesn't translate English

language web pages into French.

 

10. If you're in the armed services, and it's April 1st, and you get an

e-mail message to call Colonel Sanders for new orders, don't.

 

11. If you go to the computer store to buy a mousepad, you don't have to

specify whether it's for a Windows or a Macintosh.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Top 15 best things to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk

1. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen." 2. "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time management course you sent me to 3. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper." 4. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!" 5. "This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!" 6. "I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance" 7. "Actually I was doing a 'Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan'(SLEEP) I learned at the last mandatory seminar you made me attend." 8. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Are you discriminatory towards people who practice Yoga?" 9. "Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem." 10. "The coffee machine is broke...." 11. "Someone must've put dec...
Read more

You work for the government if...

1. You work for an acronym, on an acronym, and your job title is an acronym. 2. You can name the project leader of more than 10 projects including your own, but still can't explain in the simplest terms what they do. 3. The process becomes more important than the product. 4. You've sat at the same desk for 3 years, done the same thing for 3 years, but have had 3 different business cards. 5. You don't see anything wrong with attending a meeting on a subject you know nothing about. 6. You feel you contributed to the meeting just by being there. 7. You realize that a paperless office is impossible. Actually, you believe it is possible, just not in your office. 8. You keep documents/manuals on projects that have been long since canceled. 9. You stop raising issues/problems because you know you will be the one answering them. 10. You fly across the country to attend a conference with 100+ people to discuss the fact that the project does not have enough money. ...
Read more

Chemistry Paper

The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well. Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following: First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions...
Read more