Eugene's Funnies

Real Excuse Notes These are actual excuse notes (original spelling intact) from some of the most unintentionally hilarious parents around: My son is under a doctor’s care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him. Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot. Dear School: Please excuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33. Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating. Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part. Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins. Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side. Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels. Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had (d...

Your reason for not staying in touch with family is because they do not have e-mail. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three. Your grandmother asks you to send her a JPEG file of your newborn so she can create a screen saver. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home. Every commercial on television has a web site address at the bottom of the screen. You buy a computer and 3 months later it's out of date and sells for half the price you paid. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go get it. Using real money, instead of credit or debit, to make a purchase would be a hassle and take planning. You just tried to enter your password on the microwave. You consider second-day air delivery painfully slow. Your dining room table is now your flat filing cabinet. Your i...