Addicted to the Internet

1. You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word processor.com
2. You turn off your computer and get this empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
3. You start introducing yourself as "Jon at gmail dot com"
4. Your wife drapes a blond wig over your monitor to remind you of what she looks like.
5. All of your friends have an @ in their names.
6. You can't call your mother...she doesn't have internet.
7. Your phone bill comes to your doorstep in a box.
8. You laugh at people with under five MB upload speeds and you laugh even harder at people who don't know what that means.
9. You move into a new house and decide to Netscape before you landscape.
10. You tell the cab driver you live at http://75.luck.street/house/bluetrim.html
11. Your spouse makes a new rule: "The computer cannot come to bed."
12. You ask a plumber how much it would cost to replace the chair in front of your computer with a commode.
13. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. :^)
14. Your best friend is someone you've never met.
15. Your spouse says communication is important in a marriage...so you buy another computer so you can chat.
16. You begin to wonder how on earth your service provider is allowed to call 200 hours per month "unlimited."
17. Your dog has its own home page.
18. So does your goldfish.