Rules For The Bosses

1. Don't ever give me work in the morning. Always wait until at least
4:00 pm and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is
refreshing.

2. If it's really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every ten minutes
or so to inquire how it's going. That really does help. Better yet,
hover behind me, advising me at every keystroke.

3. Always leave without letting anyone know where you're going. It
gives me the opportunity to be creative when someone asks where you are.


4. If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books or supplies, don't open
the door for me. I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and
opening doors with no arms is good training should I ever be injured and
lose all of my limbs.

5. If you give me more than one job to do, don't specify which is
priority. I am psychic.

6. Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office and really have
nowhere else to go or anything else to do. I have no life beyond work.

7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If word gets out, it
could mean a promotion.

8. If you don't like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be the
topic of conversations. I was born to be whipped.

9. If you have special instructions for a job, don't write them down.
In fact, just save them until the job is almost done. There's no use
confusing me with useful information.

10. Never introduce me to the people you're with. I have no right to
know anything. In the corporate food chain, I am plankton. When you
refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.

11. Only be nice to me when the job I am doing for you could really
change your life and send you straight to managers' hell.

12. Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any and it's
refreshing to know someone is less fortunate. I especially like the
story about having to pay so much taxes on the bonus check your received
for being such a good manager.

13. Wait until my yearly review and THEN tell me what my goals SHOULD
have been. Give me a mediocre performance rating, with a cost of living
increase. I'm not really here for the money anyhow.

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