<section class="joke-application">
<h2>Application to Date My Daughter</h2>
<p>Name: Last __________________ First __________________ M. Initial ______ Age ______</p>
<p>Address: ____________________________________________________________</p>
<p>Religion: __________________ Attendance in the Last Year: __________</p>
<p>
Father's Name: __________________ Marriages: ______ Years: ______
</p>
<p>Father's Address: _________________________________________________</p>
<p>
Mother's Name: __________________ Marriages: ______ Years: ______
</p>
<p>Mother's Address: _________________________________________________</p>
<ol>
<li>Do you own or drive a van? __________ If so, please discontinue filling out this form.</li>
<li>
In 50 words or less, describe what “NO!” means to you:
________________________________________________________________
</li>
<li>
In 50 words or less, describe what “LATE!” means to you:
________________________________________________________________
</li>
<li>Where would you least like to be shot? ________________________</li>
<li>Which is the last bone you want broken? _______________________</li>
<li>What do you want to be if you grow up? ________________________</li>
<li>The place for a woman is: _____________________________________</li>
<li>What is my daughter's name? _________________________________</li>
<li>Who besides God should you fear the most? _____________________</li>
</ol>
<h3>Parental Use Only</h3>
<table>
<thead>
<tr>
<th>Appearance Looks Like</th>
<th>Status</th>
</tr>
</thead>
<tbody>
<tr>
<td>Mel Gibson __________</td>
<td>Accepted __________</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>David Letterman ______</td>
<td>Rejected __________</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>Pee-Wee Herman ______</td>
<td>Pending __________</td>
</tr>
</tbody>
</table>
<p>
<strong>Note:</strong> This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by
a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.
</p>
<p>Name: __________________ Date of Birth: __________________</p>
<p>Height: __________ Weight: __________ IQ: __________ GPA: __________</p>
<p>Social Security Number: __________________</p>
<p>Driver's Licence Number: __________________</p>
<p>Boy Scout Rank and Badges: ________________________________</p>
<p>Home Address: ____________________________________________</p>
<p>City/State: __________________ ZIP: __________</p>
<p>Do you have one male and one female parent? __________</p>
<p>If no, explain: ___________________________________________</p>
<p>Number of years married: __________</p>
<p>
If less than your age, explain:
________________________________________________________________
</p>
<p>
Do you own a van? ______ A truck with oversized tyres? ______
</p>
<p>
A waterbed? ______ A pickup with a mattress in the back? ______
</p>
<p>
Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly button ring? ______
</p>
<p>A tattoo? ______ If yes to the above, discontinue application and leave premises.</p>
<p>
In 50 words or less, what does “Don't touch my daughter” mean to you?
________________________________________________________________
</p>
<p>
In 50 words or less, what does “abstinence” mean to you?
________________________________________________________________
</p>
<p>
When would be the best time to interview your father, mother, and priest?
__________________
</p>
<p>
Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely; all answers are confidential.
That means I won't tell anyone ever.
</p>
<p>
The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:
______________________________
</p>
<p>
When I first meet a girl, the thing I notice about her first is:
______________________________
</p>
<p>
<strong>Note:</strong> If the above answer begins with T or A, discontinue.
Leaving the premises while keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised.
</p>
<p>What is the current going rate of a hotel room? __________</p>
<p>
Condoms come in packages of:
A: 3, B: 6, C: 9, D: 12, E: All of the above.
</p>
<p>
I swear that all information supplied above is true and correct to the best of my knowledge.
</p>
<p>
Signature: ___________________________________________
</p>
<p>
Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years for processing.
You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write.
</p>
<p>
If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentlemen wearing white ties
and carrying violin cases. You might want to watch your back.
</p>
</section>
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